Harry Potter and the Mysterious Orange Goop
by Author of Doom Earth
Summary: Chaos ensues in Snape's potions class when the students are left to fend off certain death! One-shot fic. Enjoy the madness!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other familiar characters! They all belong to J.K. Rowling; lucky lady! This was an assignment for my Folklore, Myth, and Legend class and my friends Mike and Nick helped with the ideas because we were working together on it. They are super-smart at math and our physics class, but writers they are not! LOL. So I ended up writing it mainly and LOVED the result! I hope you enjoy, please R and R!**

**-Jessie Raye**

**Harry Potter And The Mysterious Orange Goop**

"Now all of you listen up and listen good!" Professor Severus Snape growled as he clenched the piece of parchment that had magicked its way onto his desk. "You are all to sit here _quietly_ while I address this urgent matter." He glared at them all before ascending the stairs that led out of the dungeons.

As soon as the clicks that emitted from their teacher's boots hitting the stairs disappeared, thirty voices rose up and destroyed the silence.

"You _guys_!" Hermione crossed her arms, trying to raise her voice above the rest. "Professor Snape told us all to be **_quiet_**!"

"Aw, knock it off, Hermione," Ron shrugged as he threw a cockroach cluster into Crabbe's cauldron. "No one really _expects_ a bunch of unsupervised teenagers to be quiet!" He punched the air as he watched his projectile land into its intended place with a small plop.

"Some Prefect you are, Ron!"

"Have you figured it out yet?" Parvati whispered to Lavender.

"Figured what out?" Lavender was distracted, her head on her hands and her eyes focused on Dean.

"Is Zabini a boy or a girl?"

"Okay, Mike, let's try this _one more time_…" A Slytherin girl sitting in the back gave the blond-haired boy next to her a strained smile.

"I think I got it this time, Jess! T R E I B L Y! Terribly!" He gave her a very proud look.

"Are you _serious_?" She gaped. "**_Please_** tell me you are _not bloody serious_…" She hit her head on the table repeatedly.

"I think he _was_ serious." Nick said, not looking up from the parchment he was scribbling on.

"What are you _doing_ over there anyway?" Jess rested her cheek on the table.

"I think that if we could just re-adjust the equation for infinity through different parallel equations then we might just be able to break the time/space continuum!" He scribbled further.

"Argh! Not _this_ again! Don't you _know_ that those bloody numbers don't make any _sense_!"

"Actually, they look pretty accurate to me." Mike leaned over as Jess scowled.

"Did you two forget that you are **_wizards_** and that there's a little invention called a **TIME-TURNER**!"

"We're going to get in **sooo** much trouble!" Hermione scoffed. "Harry, help me talk some sense into these gits! _Harry_?"

"Yeah, sure… whatever." Harry had his eyebrows knit and was brooding as usual.

"**HARRY JAMES POTTER**! Are you even **_listening_** to me!" Hermione threw up her hands with a shriek, causing many of the other occupants of the room to stare at them.

"Huh, wha-?" Harry reddened as he caught the points and sniggers directed towards him.

"Your _girlfriend_, Potter," Draco Malfoy drawled, a smirk playing its way across his face. "Just gave you a command. You should probably listen, too. Merlin knows that _Mudblood_ is the best you'll ever do, _Scarhead_." Crabbe and Goyle, his never-failing lackeys laughed openly at the implied joke.

"**SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!**"

"**I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!**" Both thundered unanimously, causing their faces to turn crimson.

"Oh, _that's_ convincing!" Pansy gave a half shriek, half laugh that was altogether annoying. "Why don't you two _rejects_ just get a _room_!" She and Millicent Bullstrode giggled at the very un-original response, but their giggles stopped at the loud smash of a glass bottle that had just broken.

"Oh _No_!" All the Slytherins burst into laughter as Neville stood over a pile of broken glass and bright orange goop. His shoes were melting and the goop was rapidly expanding across the floor.

"_It's eating the table!_" Seamus yelped.

"_My brand new bag_!" Parvati shrieked as distraught tears welled up in her eyes.

"We're all going to **die**!" Millicent's normally low, masculine voice sounded quite odd in the form of a girlie shriek.

However, she was probably right in her assumption as they were all forced onto the tables in the back of the room, the acid-like concoction getting closer and closer by the second.

"What do we do _now_!" Hermione, for once, did not know the answer.

"**I have an idea**!" Both Harry and Draco shouted at the same time.

"Oh, like we all should listen to the guy who hears _voices_ inside of his head!" Draco threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Well, I'd suggest we row across on your **ugly face**, _Malfoy_, but I'm afraid your **big head** would sink!" Harry's face was as scarlet as the stripes on his Gryffindor tie.

"Don't you make fun of my Draco!" Pansy shrieked and then her shriek grew louder as the table in front of her started to sink.

"Duh, maybe someone should jump in and see how deep the orange water is…" Goyle grunted.

"Send **_them_**!" Jess pointed at her two friends who were sitting in the corner scribbling numbers. "For **Merlin's sake** make them **_STOP_**!"

"This isn't getting _anything_ accomplished!" Hermione had grown frantic by this point. "**Harry**! **Malfoy**! **_Stop it_**!" The two bitter rivals had started a fistfight on one of the tables knocking cauldrons and books all over the place. Neville was on his knees in prayer as the goop continued along its path.

"Great, I'm going to melt to death in a room full of _idiots_ and wannabe _banshees_!" Jess slumped. "Bloody perfect…"

"Wait!" Ron's freckled face lit up. "We can still get out of here!" The others gaped at the redheaded sidekick.

"_You_," Pansy couldn't even believe the words she was about to say. "**_You_** have an **_idea_**, Weasley?"

"Oh, good for you, Ron!" Hermione clapped, beaming at her friend. "What is it?"

"_Errovicio_!" A long rope shot out from the tip of his wand and attached itself to the banister on the other side of the room. "Is there anything we can tie this to over here?"

"I got it." Harry tied the other end to a torch bracket, pulling the knot tight.

"Everyone across now," Ron took charge. "Girls first!" The boys helped the girls across and then followed up the stairs to the safety of the hallway above.

"**What's going on here**!" Dean had run right into Professor Snape upon his own ascension.

"It was an _accident_, I swear!" Neville squeaked.

" What did you do **_now_**, Longbottom!" Snape pushed past the student, tossing Harry onto he floor rather brusquely as he went to check on his precious classroom.

"I wouldn't go down there if I were you, Professor." Draco warned, his blond hair all disheveled from the fistfight. "**Longbottom's** melted the floor!"

"Melted the… YOU SPILLED THE HERREMICIUM!" Snape's pallid cheeks tinged the color pink.

"Please, Professor, it was an accident, Sir, and I…"  
"That was a very **_expensive_** formula, Longbottom and I will see your bumbling arse in detention for the next month!" Snape clenched his fists. "And that goes for all of you as well!"

"_Us_, Professor, we didn't do anything wrong…" Pansy frowned, contorting her face into an even uglier expression than her normal one. Snape took in a deep breath and calmed a little.

"Of course, Miss Parkinson," He gave her a greasy smile. "I should know better than to think that any member of _my_ house would cause such a calamity. In that case, my Slytherins, you may go." His smile turned into a sneer as he turned to the other half of his class. "As for all of _you,_" He snapped. "I'll be seeing you at eight o' clock!" He then descended the stone stairs, wand aimed in front of him at a perfect ninety-degree angle.

"**_Yayness_**!" Jess jumped into the air and then tripped on the rug flailing around until Mike grabbed her by the schoolbag and steadied her. "No detention!"

"Uh, _you're welcome_?" Both he and Nick shrugged and followed her down the hall towards the Slytherin dungeons.

"Can you _believe_ that _slimy, greasy, big-nosed git_ gave us detention!" Harry punched a wall. "Un bloody believable!"

"This will put a _drastic_ dent in my study time…" Hermione gave a sullen mutter.

"And _this_ is what I get for my act of _heroism_!" Ron's red face clashed horribly with the orange color of his natural red head.

"I _told_ you, Harry sighed. "It's a thankless job."

"Wait," Ron smiled. "I just thought of something…"

"Oh, was _that_ what I smelled?" Draco whispered to his friends as they passed.

"_I_ am the one who saved the day. Me. Ronald Weasley- Day saver extraordinaire!" He gave a macho sort of pose.

"My God," Hermione smirked. "I think our _ickle Ronniekins_ has let this go to his head." She sniggered.

"Do you think I should get a costume? Maybe even have my own tee shirts…" Ron sighed with elation.

"Ron…" Harry warned.

"Maybe I can even get my own _soft drink_!"

"**RON**!" Both Harry and Hermione yelled.

"Alright, alright," He raised his hands up in defeat. "But you cant tell me that wouldn't be **cool**!"


End file.
